Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Well hey, friends, this is Queen Mab, and today I would like to talk to you about rejection sensitive dysphoria. Fun topic!
Now, I had never heard of rejection sensitive dysphoria or “RSD,” as it is abbreviated, until a few months ago. I found out in April that I am a neurodivergent person. That’s something that I’m going to talk more about…probably in a future episode. So in order to learn the ropes of this new identity, I…well, it wasn’t new; it was just new that I was learning about it…I joined some Facebook groups. And in one of them, I saw this post about rejection sensitive dysphoria. And I started to read about it, and I did some Googling, and…I can’t tell you the profound relief that I felt when I learned about this, because I’m someone who has struggled with sensitivity to rejection for my entire life. That’s what rejection sensitive dysphoria is, it’s – really, really intense reactions of pain, rage, anger, shame that just look very, very big and very, very out of proportion to everyone around, okay?
And all my life, I’ve been told “Oh, you need to toughen up,” “Oh, you need to grow a thick skin!” okay? Well…I’m 35 years old. I’m a musician, so I get rejected all the time…and I will tell you right now…I still have not figured how to grow a thick skin. And I have done a lot of self-flagellation about this. I have told myself that I must be bad, I must be broken, I must be a narcissist, you know…I’ve done a crap ton of therapy. I’ve taken a crap ton of classes and participated in lots of support groups…and it hasn’t gotten any easier. So to hear that this is actually something that folks who are autistic or folks who have ADHD…it’s just a part of how they’re wired…that was just such an incredible relief.
So now the question is – I have this knowledge; what do I do with it? Well, I’m working on that. I think just having a name for it – so when I’m experiencing these really, really intense feelings, instead of going, “Oh look! Here is the proof that I am a piece of garbage!” okay? I can stop and say, “This is rejection sensitive dysphoria. This does not last forever.” Because they’re very, very intense – these feelings, but the intensity usually doesn’t last longer than…I don’t know, for me, it’s probably about 24 to 48 hours. There can be lingering effects, but that really intense, like “I wanna die” feeling, it doesn’t usually last that long, at least in my case.
And then I’m still trying to figure out what to do when I’m in the really bad, scary space. Sometimes I’m not sure whether to reach out to a friend or not. Sometimes that can be really helpful, but it really needs to be a friend who isn’t gonna try to logic me, isn’t going to try to give me perspective or anything, like…I literally just need someone who can hear how terrible I feel and validate those feelings, which is not everyone, okay? It’s not an easy thing to do, and if you’re friends with someone who’s neurodivergent, you probably know this.
So I’ve wondered, you know, I probably need to keep to myself. Definitely need to stay off of social media. Definitely need to stay off the Internet. It helps if I can get engrossed in something like…a TV show or something like that. I tried watching Ted Lasso last night when I was going through one of these episodes, which helped some, although it’s getting a little intense, isn’t it? Yeah.
The other thing is there’s a lot of pressure from the Mindfulness Machine to sit with it, right? Sit with it. Sit with the difficult emotions. Well, what actually works better for me is to move with it. So like, go for a really long, intense walk. That was what I did this morning. That really, really helped me a lot. Also, I found a website that has some good stuff on it. It’s blackgirllostkeys.com. The gal’s name is René…I’m forgetting her last name [René Brooks!], which is really embarrassing…but she has some really good articles about rejection sensitive dysphoria.
And then there’s some doctor…some, like, Dr. William Dodson guy, who’s all over the Internet writing about RSD…and he’s saying that there’s some medications that can be helpful. I have not had great experiences with medications myself, so I’m a little skeptical, but if you have, I would really love to hear from you what your experiences are with medication and RSD, ‘cuz I will trust YOU, a neurodivergent person, over some doctor on the Internet any day of the week. Although I guess you’re just some person on the Internet, so anyway…that’s good logic. (pats self on the back) Good job. Okay.
Anyways, I think that’s all I have to say. Please let me know if this is something that you struggle with. Don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe. See you next time!