Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Howdy, pardners. You like my Halloween costume? I’m a space cowgirl, hahaha. Okay, I’m gonna take these off so you can see my eyes – even though I have bags under my eyes, because I’m still really tired. Anyways, hi. This is Queen Mab. And today I would like to talk to you about the intensity of the reactions that I have to shows that I watch – especially solo shows and especially theater. I get this with movies, too, but I think with live theater, it’s a much more visceral thing.
Now, I’ve noticed over the course of the pandemic that I’ve been watching a lot of solo theater from home, because that’s what’s safe to produce and that’s what’s available, and now we’ve got the technology that we can all be watching it streaming. And it’s kind of a tough thing, because I’ll watch something, and I’ll watch it by myself, and then when it’s over, I’m often having a really intense reaction to it…especially with solo theater, because the stories are so personal, and they bring up so much emotion. And then it’s over, and it’s like…I have nobody to talk to about it.
And there are some solutions, like okay, make sure I watch with a friend, which is not always possible because, you know, my friends have their own lives, and they’re not as into solo theater as I am. Sometimes the actors will do talkbacks, which is a cool thing. Unfortunately, I’ve found that some shows are so triggering for me that it’s really not a good idea for me to go to the talkbacks. Yes, I have been THAT PERSON at a talkback, and I’m really not proud to say that, but it’s happened, okay?
And you know, I was thinking of this as a phenomenon that was related to the pandemic, and being online, and to all these kinds of things, but then I had to backtrack and realize that for all my life, as a theater goer – and again, I’m very fortunate to have had the privilege to see a lot of theater, and I want to make sure I acknowledge that – but I’ve always had really, really intense reactions to shows. And it’s always been difficult for me to find safe ways to process that. I’ll give you a few examples.
The first example is “The Beauty Queen of Leenane.” I forget who it’s by. I know it’s by a man; I looked that up later, and I kind of have a problem with the fact that it’s by a man, because it’s a story about women. But it’s a very disturbing story about a woman in rural Ireland living with her abusive mother. And I saw it when I was a teenager, and when it was over, I was so disturbed, I was like, “I don’t believe in God anymore.” And I went home, and I said this to my mother, and she was furious with me. And she was furious with the friend who had taken me to see the show at the San Diego Rep. But it was a tough thing, because again, there was nobody around that I could really talk to about what the play had brought up for me. It was just like “Okay, now you’re living with this horrible story,” okay? So that was the first time.
The second time, I was in high school, and we watched a filmed version of a staging of “Oedipus,” okay? And I can’t even tell you how much that messed me up. I think I was like, crying in front of my whole entire class. It was really, really embarrassing. And then I went home that night, and my mom had made cheesecake with red cherries all over it…like eyeballs. It was horrible. It was so bad. Oh my God! Okay.
Another one that was really intense for me, and this was again, when we were still in-person and going to the theater several years ago was “Voyeurs de Venus” by…oh my God, I have to know who it’s by, hang on…crap, I lost it…okay, well…no wait, here it is! It is by…Lydia Diamond, okay? And I saw that one at the Moxie Theater in San Diego. And again, everything I had read about it made it sound like it was this fun, like, almost like, dance-y, kind of upbeat thing, and it was super, super disturbing. And you know, at that point I was older than when I was in high school and saw those other two shows, so I had better emotional coping skills, but…it still wasn’t great.
So I guess I’m really interested to know if this is a phenomenon that affects more people than just me – where you see a show, and it just really messes you up, and you don’t really know what to do to process it, and you may not have anyone whose come to see it with you that you can talk to about it. And you don’t want to go to the talkback, because you know if you go to the talkback, like, you’re probably gonna be the booger in the punch bowl. What’s the solution?
I’m also wondering if this could be related to my difference as a person on the spectrum, because when I watched the TED talk that led me to learn about my neurology, Jolene Stockman talked about the fact when she heard the crucifixion story as a kid in school, she fainted. And when I heard of that, I immediately thought of me and my reaction to “Oedipus Rex,” okay?
So I think that’s all I have to say about it. If you like what I’m talking about, you can go to queenmabmusic.com for more of my content. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and if I haven’t scared you away, I hope to see you next time. Happy Halloween!